I had a special reason for it,actually.
My father passed away in the beginning of October,and it really made me rethink of my life...
Before I just wouldn`t be able to write anything normal or clear,but now while time is passing by and live is moving on,I start putting all the thoughts back on the shelves after the greatest earthquake which ever happened to me before.
In my life there was no doctor,who made any supposition. It happened unexpectedly.At all...The most terrible thing is that you have to continue living with different torturing thoughts on your mind...Thinking of what if this,what if that...why didn`t u tell this or that...You start remembering all the quarells,hating yourself,blaming yourself.And it`s awful.You can`t submit that it really happened.You just don`t want to.And you don`t have to.
Death is a very mysterious thing. When you've had someone that you loved recently pass, it makes you ponder not only the remorse you feel for the loved one but death itself and what it truly means. I've noticed that some can discuss death very openly, and very candidly. And others you can tell feel very uncomfortable talking about it, they will try to change the subject to some lighter matter.
As for me,I started thinking alot about death lately...I got really scared of how unexpectadly it can come to you.You make plans,you built your life and in a moment this all can just collapse.And I`m really very scared of just disappearing.I don`t want to die as no one.I want to do smth in my life yet,which will trully mean smth for someone.To make someone happy,to save someone from smth,to give a birth to a baby and so on...
And I also don`t know what will happen after I die.
I trully want to believe that the one who passes away is always near you,ready to protect you.He become your angel.Or maybe it`s just a hope and our imagination and there is nothing after death...only endless emptiness....
I think we should all realize that we all will die someday. When I say realize I mean to the extent that death is just as real to you as talking, walking or hearing. Why is this important? Because we must realize this world is a veil, that behind the curtain of this world, lies another world, where we will spend eternity. And that death is the instrument that brings us into our new world. All the things that seem so important now, won't be important in the next life.
Really consider what is important and what is simply a waste of your time. Death brings us a perspective on life, it shows us what is vital and what is worthless.
I just hope close people who left us all are in a better place now.Without all these life problems which they all had over here.
But we shouldn`t get stuck.We should move on.I think my father wouldn`t want me to cry all days and nights.He would want me to be happy.And I`m not going to put a cross on my own life.We all should get strong and take care of people who are still with us now.Maybe for this world you are just a person,but for some person you might be the whole world.So enjoy every moment of your life.Live and let live the other`s.
Death always smiles towards us,the only thing we can do is to smile back.
P.S.Father,I love you and I always will...
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